Special thanks, first off, to the wonderful Admin for Milan and Kay Resources! The photos are exactly what I was looking for! I really appreciate your help!
How We Love Our Kids covers the “5 Love Styles of Parenting”. The theory behind identifying your style is that once you know how you normally parent and why, you’ll be able to make changes to the things that don’t work in your style and making that change will help you be the parent you want to be. Milan and Kay identify 5 styles: the Avoider, the Pleaser, the Vacillator, the Controller, and the Victim. These styles apply to both parents and children because, for example, usually an Avoider parents ends up parenting an Avoider child. It’s just how it works, our children learn what we teach them. They also touch on what they call “Unique Children”: Introverted, Free-Spirited, Determined, Sensitive, and Premature children. To close out the book Milan and Kay include 7 gifts of healing for both parents and children: Insight, Comfort, Power, Frustration, Confession, Laughter, and God. In the meat of the text the authors talk about the “Comfort Circle for Parenting” (that is pictured in the appendix called the “Parent Toolbox”) which pretty much is just a tool to help you teach your children how to properly handle their emotions. When used properly you’re validating their emotions and teaching them how best to deal with them.
Honestly, I got the book because it sounded a lot like another book I’ve read and wanted to see just how similar they were. I was pleasantly surprised to read that they aren’t alike at all, in fact, they’re complimentary! I will admit, the stuff in How We Love Our Kids sounds pretty cheesy but having an education background in psychology I can totally see how it would be beneficial. It’s all about learning how to handle emotions properly. Really, that’s where a lot of parenting issues arise, either you’re not validating your kids emotions (“stop crying! That’s a stupid thing to cry about!”) or you’re you do but you don’t keep yours in check. At least that’s my experience as a parent. I think probably my favorite part of the book is the appendix that includes the helpful tools they talk about throughout the book. For me, it’s really helpful to have the tools because I need them in front of me in order to be able to remember to use them. They will in fact get printed up and put on my fridge, that’s for sure! As cheesy as I found the book (an attitude which probably stems from my childhood experiences), I found it just as equally helpful and would recommend it to parents who are having issues parenting (which would be every parent ever!).
And by the way, I’m a Pleaser parent with Avoider tendencies. What are you?
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Disclaimer: I received this book for free from Waterbrook Multnomah’s Blogging for Books program in exchange for an honest review. I was not required to write a positive review, all thoughts are my own.